I feel....

I feel like im waiting for something, like a text or a call; but I don't know why. I have a huge feeling of anticipation and it is keeping me up at night. I need help again, I'm getting afraid again.

I have so many problems.

I'm afraid of commitment, I'm afraid of being hated, I'm afraid of losing friends. Yet I push them all away so that they end up despising me.  I'm so happy I'm not who I used to be but at the same time i have no one to show that I changed, all of them from back then are gone, so it's kinda just me.

I lost a friend

I lost a friend to what they say is suicide. In reality we  lost  more than a friend. I lost a large part of my past with him. I feel like I won't be sleeping tonight.