I feel....

I feel like im waiting for something, like a text or a call; but I don't know why. I have a huge feeling of anticipation and it is keeping me up at night. I need help again, I'm getting afraid again.

I have so many problems.

I'm afraid of commitment, I'm afraid of being hated, I'm afraid of losing friends. Yet I push them all away so that they end up despising me.  I'm so happy I'm not who I used to be but at the same time i have no one to show that I changed, all of them from back then are gone, so it's kinda just me.

I lost a friend

I lost a friend to what they say is suicide. In reality we  lost  more than a friend. I lost a large part of my past with him. I feel like I won't be sleeping tonight.

There comes a point.

There comes a point in time when everyone will want to just curl up in to a little ball and become he smallest target they can physically become,  the problem with that is once they get to this point it is usually too late. whether it is by word of mouth or just their reputation, they will remain a large target.  I feel like my target will be huge for years to come, in all honesty idk if it will ever go away.  I'm sick and tired of being the bad guy.

It's been awhile since we talked, too long really.  I don't know why I still long for us to be friends, but I do.  i miss you, not your body but your mind, it was the best thing of you,  You were smart, but the right type of smart, and my god how i wished i listened to you.

I feel like something is wrong.

I have this pain in my chest every now and then, not huge just a little ouch here and there; but I've also found myself out of breath way more than i ever should be.  Also lately i just been thinking, and if you know me in real life, thinking for me is a really, really bad thing.  I start to think about her, and how I miss her terribly, i doubt ill ever get over her really but whatever.  Idk what else to wright, sorry.

Hey guys.

me again, like anyone else would post on this. anyway today I have been pretty down, everyone just feels like they are avoiding me and, when i really wanna talk the vanish.  It doesn't help that i keep thinking of her and it   rips me apart every time.  I don't know if I'll ever be fixed, honestly I don't think i deserve being fixed.  literally every thing I do makes me remember, when i hate to say it but i should just forget.

Well...

I guess I'm addicted to the pen (keyboard whatever) but it helps when you really feel in the slumps. My girlfriend just got into a fight with her mother and mother's bf and went for a walk, so till she gets back on skype might as well write, right? I feel like this is my shelter, I am more open here than Tumblr, you know? Like Tumblr is your best friend, but sometimes you need to open up to a stranger every now and then.  I guess what I'm saying is that I still feel like someone is reading these so they must care? if they do let me break own last 2 months;  1) car accident, broken nose, glasses and 3rd degree burns. car is TOTALED. 2) due to thumb less hours at work/work slower, tons of medsssss.  3) new car as of YESTERDAY! It took forever to get one. there is my last 2 months, eventful huh? yeah I didn't think so. I have nothing more to say atm so thank you for caring.

Hmmm

More and more I feel like life is better descried as a prison sentence, rather then a gift.  We get in trouble for our mistakes, and ignored for our accomplishments.  idk I just find it odd i guess, how humans can criticize one another for who they love, mainly on the basis that they believe it is bad for their kids; if you don't want to talk to your kids here is a better answer. DON'T HAVE KIDS YOU DICKWEED. Now that the rant is over, hello world, life seems to be going up and down for me, but that's normal.  Everything seems to be going in a snails pace but sooner or later it should speed up. I hope to talk to you all again, and I also hope no more month ling breaks. Tora everyone.

no.....

Once more I go, in to the breach of the unknown.  I'm so afraid of losing you and I think it is starting to show.